How To Get A Girl In 10 Months: The Revival

Georgina Haynes
Aug 14
3 min read

Updated: Aug 15

two women in love on pedestrian sign next to traffic light — Image courtesy of Daniel J. Schwarz under the Unsplash License

Healing is not linear. We’ve all heard this. For many of us, this means that we ride the waves of post-breakup emotions, expecting that some days will be harder than others. For me, this meant that distracting myself from my own healing was okay, because there was no direct route to the ‘better me’. My friends have been telling me for months that I’m a completely different person since the breakup. I found this so hard to believe, because I didn’t feel any different to the Gigi that ended things last summer. Sure, I now have pink hair and a better grasp on my personal style (I hope), but the changes that matter remain out of sight. As I was back then, I feel unconfident, lost, and in dire need of a source of validation. Sacre bleu.

The time I should have spent focusing on why I craved validation so much, I spent seeking it. I don’t think that any credible “agony aunt” has ever recommended hookups as a remedy for a deep-seated fear of being unlovable, but I digress. The feeling of being wanted was a high, and I was ready to get my fix... This led to countless moments of awkward drinks, ghosting, and hopelessness. When I realised that getting with strangers didn’t make me feel better (surprise surprise), I was left with all the emotions I pushed away, and some!

I took a year out of university, wallowed in my emotions, and made nice with my rock-bottom, ignoring the work at hand and instead opting to flick on whichever TV show made me feel better that week. After relying on other people to soothe my self-hatred for so long, I came face-to-face with what I had built for myself. Nothing.

The result of my comfort in distraction was the catalyst for all the changes that needed to be made in my life, but I have only come to understand that now. No longer being able to blame my mistakes on ‘going through a break-up’, I am ready to start anew (for real this time).

To those who have done this before, get ready to feel extremely proud of me. Two days ago, I finally unfollowed my ex-girlfriend on all platforms. This is a monumental step forward in the lesbian world, trust me, and thankfully, it wasn’t as heart-wrenching as I had anticipated. At this moment, I finally feel like I can focus on building myself back up, away from the performance I had created for my ex to see.

Regardless of sexuality, do not listen to that devil on your shoulder…! Prolonged contact with an ex will NOT result in your magnum opus, or some big internal epiphany about life; rather, it will delay the well-needed healing that must occur to truly find yourself.

Reader, if you take anything from this, let it be that distraction will leave you stuck at square one, even after a year, or longer, from a breakup.

In a couple of weeks from now, I will be embarking on my year abroad (again). This time, I will be reflecting on the original question 'How To Get A Girl In 10 Months' posed while not taking away from myself to figure out the answer. I’m not as confident or fearless as I want to be yet, but I’m ready to claw my way out of rock-bottom, and speak better French, of course.

This column will explore the ups-and-downs of my experience with sex and relationships whilst studying abroad in Grenoble, France and Barcelona.

How to get a girl in ten months? I’m not sure yet- but I know this: I’m doing it for myself this time.

My soundtrack of feelings pre-departure: